Jibun ga suki janai no*

Cross-posting from a very rarely-updated blog on a Latvian social network.

If there's an emotion/thought state that makes me utterly hate myself for feeling it, then it's pity. Surpassing clingy wishes. Surpassing knowing that a promise has been left unfulfilled from my side. I tend to believe that the latter two, while embarassing and guilt-trip ensuring, are, to an extent, corrigible/reversable, don't inherently change the views about another person, and can, sometimes, be used for gain, either your own or the other's.


Whereas pity, in my opinion, is a misfired insult to the (evolutionary advantageous) human sympathy towards other human beings about issues that the object is experiencing, whether real or perceived by the pitier. It is useless, because, in its deepest sense, it robs of any sense of equality or real empathy between the pitied and the pitier. It can be misperceived by the unwise (or inexperienced, happens to the best of us) as love (thankfully, I've learned to not be fooled by that), or be the plough that prepares the soil of the mind for sowing contempt, should there be other triggers for that.

Dear pity, I need pesticides for you.

*transcription of a half-a-line of the lyrics of Beautiful World, song by Utada Hikaru, meaning approximately "but I don't like myself"